October 5, 2014

Final blog Post:

I feel I was incredibly successful. I loved being able to write about my frustrations, my past, my future, heck! even my present. I may have had a couple days where I wrote a day late, but that happens when you have a million other things going on because of all your other classes. Im not so sure if there has been a change in my writing technique just because, I am really good at English if  I try. Actually, English has always been one of my favorite subjects. I have always succeded greatly in English. For a long time I thought about being an English teacher. But then, I got really into the medical field and knew I wanted to help make people better.
At first I hated having to write a new post everyday. Then as the past few weeks went by I started likeing it more and more. I could talk about anything I wanted. If I was mad at someone, I could post about it. If I had one of those moments I just needed to really pour my heart out I could. It was my choice. I love being able to write about whatever I want to write about. It makes me feel better. For instance, After my friend and my great grandma both passed away I started keeping a journal. Just so if I got sad or really mad or anything I could write about it. and keep it to myself.
My biggest challenge I think would be having to keep up with it. and probably the lengths of my posts. Alot of them were pretty short because I would only have a few things to say. It kinda reminded me of a Journal. I have some days that I want to write a really long entry, and some I want to write a really short one. It just depends what is on my mind.
Honestly, I am very greatful we got to do this. I loved it in the long run. It was a great experience.

October 4, 2014

Day 25:

I guess when I was in highschool I never thought to do more than what I needed. Except when it came to choir. I always went above and beyond in choir. I loved choir. I loved the people. and singing everyday. Even when I had to strain myself to sing because I was sick. I never not sang. 
I quit choir after my sophomore year cause I didn't want to have a full senior year. I wanted to graduate at semester. Which I did. It was one of the hardest things in the world. 
I met my best friend in choir my freshman year, He passed away my sophomore year. but I never forget all the goofy stuff he did in choir. 
I went to the Ozark volleyball tournement at nixa yesterday. It was the first time back in the highschool since I graduated. And I was wearing an Ozark sweatshirt...let me tell you it was weird. I then went to the Vahalla band competition to again support Ozark. all that was for my neighbor. She is a freshman at Ozark this year. and she wanted me to see her play and perform at least once this season. So i did. And it reminded me of how much I really truely miss highschool. Not the people. just the simplicity. the fun. but especially choir. because I put my heart and soul into it. and I was always smiling. No matter what. 

October 3, 2014

Day 24:

I love fall so much. I live for the football games, and the cool breeze. The way the leaves change color. the way the air smells crisp and fresh. 
Football is my life. all of my guy friends have played or do play football. 
Then there is always pumpkins, the carving them, making pumpkin seeds. 
Wearing jeans and a hoodie. Just relaxing and not dying of heat. Like in  July, or August. It is just too hot to enjoy being outside. I spend summer cooped up in the house unless I am going to the lake, river or pool.

October 1, 2014

Day 22: 

In exactly 23 days I will be 18:) 
Not only am I turning 18. I am getting my second tattoo, getting nose pierced and going to a couple clubs with friends. I guess you could say the normal things people do when they are 18. Hah. 
On top of all of that, my best friend, basically my sister will be here from Cali :) I honestly couldn't be more excited and ready to see her and have a BA birthday. 
It was wierd being 17 and starting college. I never thought I would ever even make it to college. And honestly college is kicking my butt. But it is all worth it :) 

September 30, 2014

Day 21:

Today is literally the best day of my life! I got a letter from my best friend who is at basic in Fort Jackson, South Carolina. He told me all the stuff they do. and He just started the blue phase of his training! he has until February i think. Maybe a little longer. But anyway, He comes back in December for christmas. I can't wait to see him. I miss him so much! He says they usually start about 4:30. which is 5:30 our time. 
He says he has changed alot. but for good. and that He can go without being here, and not having his phone, but not having his music is completely killing him. He says he thinks music is the one thing that keep them all sane. 
Ahhhhhh! I just honestly can't wait for him to be back. I have to write him back, but golly. Christmas just can't come soon enough! 

September 29, 2014

Day 20:

I wish I had more drive.....My grades in a coulple classes are not as good as they could be. I do all my work. and Try my hardest but it doesn't mean that Im not smart!
I want to do so much better in my life. I want to be a radiologist. And help people as well as make a better life for myself. I honestly didn't think college was going to be this difficult. But I was wrong. 

September 28, 2014

Day 19:

I may not always see eye to eye with my family. but I do love them. 
For instance, when I went home this past february my grandma (my dad's real mom) wanted me to stay a couple days with her. I said "ok"  and went to stay at her apartment a few days after I had gotten to CT. 
Well she decieded she was going to go shopping for clothes for me. Which yes, was very sweet. But my grandma hasn't been able to buy me clothes since I was like 5. I am a very picky kid when it comes to my clothes. Hell, my mom can't even shop for me. So she just gives me money and says "go buy some clothes". 
But anyway, my grandma got ridiculously mad all because I wasnt very happy with what she got. For one almost everything she got me except a few shirts were too small or not the right style, and the jeans she got me were skinny jeans and the wrong size. I don't wear skinny jeans, only boot cut, and leggings of course. 
I was very appreciative. But I told her "we have to return alot of this cause it just isnt me."
I do love my grandma unconditionally but she gets on my nerves all the time. My dad says we are too much alike. But i personally don't see it. 
In all reality though, you can't choose your family, you don't even have to like them. You just have to be pleasant to them. 

September 27, 2014

Day 18

Cheating.
Cheating is not ok. AT ALL. I personally have been cheated on by four guys. You would have thought I would have learned the first time, well I didn't. 
why do boys cheat?
because they can't see the real quality girl they got. instead they choose to go an get a "skanky girl" who puts out and cheats on them. god only knows what kind of disease they have. 
I want a quality guy to come around and treat me right. Unlike all the other loser guys that are still around. 
I am totally over getting my heart broken. 

September 26, 2014

Day 17:

My Mom. 
She is probably the one person besides my dad, I can always count on. I love my mom to death. 
I know I probably dont give her enough credit. But she really does alot for me. She cooks, cleans, does my laundry, Takes care of me when I am sick. 
I really dont know what I would do without her. I know I could survive like cooking and cleaning and laundry. but when I am sick the only thing I want to do is be home. So that her and my dad can take care of me. I am not quite sure how its gonna be when I move out. And they won't just be there to take care of me when I am sick. 
I may not always see eye to eye with my parents, but I do love them both unconditonally. And truely don't know what I would do without them. 

September 25, 2014

Day 16:

Six years ago today my little brother was born. He and I may not always get along but he is probably the best thing to happen to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Heck when I went to Connecticut in February i missed him more than words could explain. I called him everyday to see how school was. And say goodnight before bed. 
I may not always be the best big sister in the world. but i will always love my brother unconditionally. 

September 24, 2014

Day 15:

So my best friend moved to California 5 years ago....well school years anyway. She moved 2 weeks into my freshman year, her sophomore year (high school). She isn't just my best friend though. She is also my sister. Well my "sister" if we weren't at my house we were at her house. we were truly inseparable. 
I miss her more than words can ever explain..but i found out today that She will be here for my birthday :) 
So in exactly 30 days I will be reunited with my best friend. and I could not be more ecstatic. 
I am ready to make so many new memories. Finally get our tattoo, and get my nose pierced! 
Honestly her coming out is probably the best birthday gift ever. I couldn't ask for anything better. She is the one girl besides my mom and aunt and grandma of course, that I have always been able to count on. Shes been there for so much and I can't wait for her to be here for this. 

September 23, 2014

Day 14:

I have never wanted to go back in the past so bad.
I have been thinking about my first love. It was my freshman year. He lives in Aurora. But anyway we used to talk on the phone for hours. and i remember i didn't want to tell my parents because he lived a ways away. But anyway we would text all day long while we were in school, and then we would be on the phone till Ten or Eleven at night. 
He always knew how to make me smile. How to make me laugh. and if I told him I wasn't smiling he would say "I can hear the smile on your face babe." He became my whole entire world. And then finally I told my dad and mom about him. And they took me to see him. Even though it was only for like 45 minutes it was worth it. I had written him this 10 page letter just of different stories about our future together. He was my future until he cheated on me...and broke my heart. He still to this day carries that letter in his wallet. I wrote it in purple pen, which at the time was my favorite color. I think I even drew some pictures of us in the letter. Haha. I remember I rewrote that letter like 10 times before I went to see him cause it had to be perfect. There could be no mistakes. 
Now he is just my best guy friend. I turn to him for everything. I think its because I can  tell him anything and he wont judge me. 
But every time we talk it makes me miss him even more. And honestly I really want him back...and i'm talking forever. I want to marry him. 
Too bad he wont talk to me at the moment... I guess love only lasts for forever with some people. 

September 22, 2014

Day 13:

College...Has been an experience. The work is alot harder, the fact that once i am done in class i can leave is a plus. I love the fact that i only have to go to the school two days a week and then im free the rest besides my online classes.
What i can't stand is the communication issues between students and teachers. I feel like if you are going to be a teacher you need to communicate with your students.

September 21, 2014

Day 12:

Is there really a normal? 
No there isn't. 
I love all the different, fun people I have met. Especially when I go downtown or out with friends. 
I have honestly met some of the most interesting people here. Before I moved here, I had never met a gay person. I had never seen a drag queen let alone talk to one. The first time I ever went downtown I went and saw the drag show at Martha's it was truly so much fun. 
Or for instance the goth kids they aren't normal but they are occasionally interesting. 
We all perceive normal as a typical family with a dog, a nice house, living in the suburbs. But in all reality there is no normal.
We are all just our own set of normal. We are who we are. Some can choose to accept that and others cannot. For the ones who can't I say "i don't care what you think". Personally after being picked on for so many years, I am who I am. I am not the cutest, skinniest, or any of that. But I am me, and you can either accept me or not accept me. 

September 20,2014

Day 11:

Is it wrong to miss friends. Friends who have always been there for you?
No its not. Today im really missing my friend Austin. He is currently in South Carolina in basic for the Army. I won't see him again til feb. If he even comes back. He said he may be shipped to Iraq. 
I know he is doing what he has always wanted, serving his country. And I know this may sound selfish but I just want him here at home where i dont need to worry. where i can see his face and give him hugs. Is that so wrong?

September 19, 2014

Day 10:

Gay. Why does it matter if someone is straight, bi, gay, trans, ect?
It doesn't. My best friend of 7 years is gay. And I wouldn't change him for the world. He is my favorite to go shopping with, to go to dinner with, just to go out with downtown in general. He is my favorite person in the whole world. Someone I honestly couldn't live without. He is always there for me when I need him. Heck I called him just last week, and I was balling cause I was really stressed out, he came and picked me up and we went to get some coffee and just talk. 
He is great for guy advise lol. He is just an all around amazing person. And I wish people would see him for him and not just the fact hes gay. Personally that is one of the many qualities I love. I have a "girlfriend" who isn't even a girl, which I love cause I hate girls. They irritate me to no end.

September 18, 2014

Day 9:

I had a lot of animals growing up. When I lived in Connecticut I had fish and 2 cats. When I moved to Missouri I had my 2 cats, and I got my first dog. Her name is Lily. She is my number one. People say diamonds are a girls best friend. They are way wrong. My dog is my best friend. She listens and don't talk back. Maybe that is why all my friends are guys except for like 5 which are girls. They cause too much drama and just get on my nerves. 
For example last night I had a friend bring me home from class and stay the night. She kept bringing up how she went to PBR ( Professional Bull Riding ), all weekend. I told her I was gonna go everyday next year since I wasn't able to get tickets this year, And her attitude changed. And she got pissy because I wanted to go. I never once brought up the fact that she brought two people we were friends with over me, even though I tried to get us tickets so we could go together. 
I look at it this way when girls get like that. I don't have to change my life for them. I do what I want. She isn't going to make me any less who I am because she gets pissy. I kill with kindness. If you don't like me that's fine. You want to be a "insert potty word here" then that's cool. I will be the bigger person, and kill you with kindness. Show that you have no effect on me. 
Another thing that really "burns my biscuits" is when girls get nosy about a guy you like or always ask if you're talking to someone. And if they find out, they try to go for him because they think they are prettier than you. Like no...back off. Go find one of your kind of boys. The friend I was talking about earlier, she dated my brother. He is a skater. a punk. I had no clue what he saw in her. Personally I think it was just a piece of "insert potty word here". But she always says she likes them army boys or country boys. Why date a skater? because she knew it would get under my skin. Especially because he is my brother. I hate girls like that. 

September 17, 2014

Day 8:

Do you ever look at the past and think what you could have done to make it better? 
I do. 
I used to be an awful person. I used to judge everyone, think I was so much better than everyone. I never would have dated a guy who was chunky. Or hung out with the "nerds". Then I got a reality check. I lost a good portion of my friends because of the person I was. So I changed. I stopped judging people. And started seeing someone for who they are on the inside instead of just the outside. 
Because of the way I used to be, I ended up dating a lot of crappy guys. guys who cheated on me, lied, and god only knows what else. I decided I no longer deserve bad guys. I deserve better in life. and I will do whatever it takes to find it. 

September 16, 2014

Day 7:

Riding a bike. I never knew how to ride a bike til I was 9 years old. We moved to Missouri when I was 7, Back in Connecticut, where I lived it was just a giant hill for my driveway, and then the main road, It wasn't in a neighborhood, it was right off the main highway. (Kinda like hwy 160). But anyways, when I was 9 I got on my cousin's bike and rode down the road, with no training wheels. For the very first time I had ever ridden a bike. 
My brother however, he is almost 6, and rides his bike with no training wheels. He is so proud of himself. And I am just beyond proud of him. Nobody will ever know the love I have for him. and how proud i am of him. I am so glad I get to be here for all of his accomplishments. There is no place i'd rather be. 

September 15, 2014

Day 6:

I haven't always had the best luck with boys. And since my past is currently on my mind, that is what I am going to post about today. My past relationships have been with some really crappy guys. I have been cheated on time after time. Lied to. Used. Ect. And I am way over it. My ex texted me last night and asked if he could come over. I had to say no. but in all reality, I kinda wish he had. I miss him but at the same time, he is an ex for a reason. He cheated on me, and then denied it to me and told my brother he really cheated on me 6 times. My other ex he and i were together a year. and I loved him with everything I have. He lived a ways away so we only saw eachother on skype and stuff. we used to have netflix dates. It was cute. But then he cheated on me, Now he has a kid with some girl who texted him and said " hey you have a kid, hes a month old and I don't want him. you can keep him or give him up." We talk alot. we are just friends though. That little boy has become my whole world. I love him so much. I love both alot. but I don't know if we will ever be again. 
I guess all im trying to say is the past is the past for a reason right? maybe it should stay in the past. and I know I deserve better. Its taken me a long time to realize that but im glad I have. 

September 14, 2014

Day 5:

When I moved to Missouri ten years ago, I never thought I would graduate high school and be a college student. Honestly I didn't know I would make it past the 8th grade. I have met so many people here who have changed my life. My eighth grade teacher for example, helped me so much. She is one the most influential people in my life. She made sure I stayed caught up and that all my homework was always done. As I moved on to high school I kept in touch with her. I ended up being her A+ tutor my senior year. I still go back and help every now and then. :) I have met so many friends here and I honestly wouldn't trade the ones that have stuck around for anything. They are my "ride or dies" we have been through so much together. I don't know what I would do without them.

September 13, 2014

Day 4:

Who means the most to you?
well to me...its my daddy. my daddy is my whole world. hes been there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. he always knows how to pick me up when im at my lowest. We have been through alot together. Lets see, he slammed my fingers in the car door when i was little on accident cause he didn't know i was behind him. when i was 4 or 5 i fell out of his truck, and cut my knee open, i still have a scar, He taught me every Beatles song known to man.
To me my daddy isnt just my dad, he is my super hero. My best friend. and the one man who i can count on no matter how old i am or where my life takes me.He will always be there. and i love him more and more everyday. No guy can ever replace my daddy. Yeah, one day i will get married and have kids of my own, but no man will ever take the place my daddy has in my heart. The man i marry will just simply make my heart bigger.

September 12, 2014

Day 3:

I used to love to sing. Music used to be my escape for everything. Every time I was mad, or frustrated. However when I was little I sang every song I knew. I used to know every song on every Beatles album. Growing up me and my dad used to listen to the Beatles all the time. The first song he heard after I was born, was "Here comes the sun" By the Beatles. Its my dads ringtone when he calls me. Its the one song I think of when someone says "what reminds you of your dad?".  
I quit choir my junior year of high school. Looking back I wish i had never given it up. But at the same time I am glad I did because it allowed me to really focus in school, and graduate early. 
Today I love country, and hip hop, reggae, rock, etc. Truthfully a little bit of everything except classical and jazz. never been much for those. No matter where I go in life, what happens I will always sing. I will always have music wherever my life takes me. 
For example, when my great grandma passed away, I sang "See you when I see you" By Jason Aldean. When I went to see her grave, I sat and sang to her like she was right there. Watching me sing my heart out like when I was a little girl. I knew she would have been proud. I have thought about trying out for the Voice or American Idol once or twice just to see if I would make it. And know shes watching me and guiding me. But at this point the only thing I can say is whatever happens, happens. If I am meant to be on one of them shows singing my heart out then I will get a sign or something. I am just taking one day at a time. 

September 11, 2014

Day 2:

It has been 13 years since the falling of the twin towers. I remember the day they fell. I was in First grade I think. My teacher had gotten a phone call to turn on the news. I watched the second tower fall. I watched the smoke rise and each and every floor collapse on one another. I remember the tears, the way everyone "oohed", the sudden sadness that everyone felt. I will never forget that day. I had the lucky opportunity of going to the memorial in April. April 3, 2014 to be exact. It was probably the most memorable day. The waterfalls were just beyond beautiful, the way the names were engraved and the way the water kept going in a continuous loop in to the middle. I hope that one day my little brother can go and see it. I hope it impacts him the way it impacted me. The way it made my body freeze, and realize that no matter how much time passes, nobody will ever be forgotten. 

September 10, 2014

Day 1:

I took a trip back to my place of birth. Connecticut. I left in February and stayed til May. I got to spend quality time with family I never get to see. For example, my grandpa on my dads side. He isn't in the best of health. Not in the best shape, and has breathing problems he has to use a breathing machine. Growing up he was probably one of my largest inspirations. When I was little he used to let me paint his toe nails, and dress him up as a princess. We used to garden and cook together. He taught me to make so many things, like: stuffed peppers, strawberry rhubarb pie, stuffed cabbage, and so much more. I worry about him everyday. But I know he is as good as he can be. 
I also got to see my great grandmas grave. She passed away 2 years ago March 4th. She is my biggest inspiration in life. I miss her so much everyday. She didn't get to see me graduate, she didn't get to see me turn 16. She lived in a house on 10 acres of land, had a tree in the front yard with swing on it. She used to sit on a chair in the back yard with her dog Julie, and watch me swing or play tag with my cousins. We always used to cook a ham and cheese bread. We used to walk the yard, and look at flowers. Her favorite was a white daisy. There isn't a day I don't think about her. She is always watching over me and guiding me through my incredibly exciting life. She is my guardian angel. 

– Typology and Writing

I am a pretty practical person i suppose. As well as incredibly outgoing. I however am nowhere near organized. I am so unorganized when it comes to things. Except school, I try to stay organized with school because if i didn't I would already be a drop out, and truthfully wouldn't be in College. I am not the most decisive person either. I am probably the most indecisive person, for example when I go to a friends house I bring like three bags of clothes just because I can never decide what to wear.
I do however love to be in charge. I was always bossy as a little kid. And even now I catch myself every now and then being bossy. What it says on ESTJ about writing none of it is right. I hate using step by step processes. I feel they are very tedious. I would rather write the paper and get it done and over with then move things around where they should truly fit. Where it Says learning alot of that is correct. I am a very hands on learner.
Procrastination however, that is something I am just awful about. I procrastinate like nobody's business. I wait until the last minute unless I know it is something that takes time.
I feel like this test didn't really understand me at all. And in all reality everyone is different. You can't tell someone to take a test and think that the test is going to be accurate.